Not sure I’d describe myself as a beauty (perhaps ‘cute’ at a push), but fuck me am I tired! I swear if I could go to bed right now I’d quite easily sleep through the rest of the week. On the beauty score I do have to say though, that my skin suddenly has a bit of a glow again and my eyes are brighter. Or perhaps it’s just all this chocolate I’m putting into my face that is just stretching me out as I’m getting fatter? Nah, it’s sobriety that’s switched the light on, no amount of Bounty bars could do that. My eyes sparkle again like eyes should because I’m sober. Not a Disney princess exactly, but I look better. Healthier.
But man, this tiredness! It’s not lifting. Although I’m really chuffed that I went for a run last night (and by ‘run’ I mean I wobbled as best I could after over a year of very little exercise and probably only jogged for a total of 15 minutes in all during the half hour or so that I was out), my energy is incredibly low. I’m convinced it’s my body just taking a huge sigh of relief and also the sudden drop in calories that it’s used to. Hubby and I were talking in bed last night, just chatting about everything and my eyelids just closed mid-conversation. I had every intention of giving hubby the mother of all good seeings to (to show him Sober Me is super fun if nothing else) but it wasn’t so much mind over matter as the other way around and even snuggled into his delicious, naked body that’d normally drive me wild sleepiness won easily. Apart from being so sexy it’s just bloody stupid, he does make for an excellent giant hot water bottle and I was out like a light, my face buried into the crook of his neck. And slept like a log until 7am this morning.
Any time I’m not moving around, I feel exhausted and weak. I felt fine showering and getting ready, but as soon as I sat down to have my coffee it came over me straight away. I feel like I could just go to bed and sleep for a week. I wonder if this is what often happens – I will ask Red tonight. I’ve been anaemic in the past and if my cheeks weren’t still rosy I’d think it was that – the weakness and exhaustion are sure fire signs, plus I feel slightly queasy too – and either way think it may be a good idea to head to the doctor and get bloods done. Seems sensible to check where I’m at, new chapter and all that.
In the past, I’ve sometimes made up excuses to ask for a blood test when it’s in fact been my liver function I’ve wanted to check, worrying sick I’ve finally kicked off the cirrhosis or some other horrible crap due to the Sauv. And each time everything has come back as ‘normal’ (imagine my surprise each time they’ve told me I have “good liver function”) and of course for a drunky-drunk that only means one thing: the green light to continue. In fact, each time I have probably gone on to drink even more because OBVIOUSLY I’ve done no harm so why fix it if it ain’t broke? Drunkard’s logic, my friends, but I do think my liver must be the Hulk Hogan of organs – what a champion. Like everything else I managed not to lose because of drink, it’s as I’ve said before, only down to luck. If my bloods come back fine again, I will take a different approach. The way I will see it this time, should they claim I have still somehow got away with a lifestyle that would intimidate Guns’n’Roses, I’m going to take it as the greatest of gifts and a sign from above that I am here for a reason and that there is a purpose for me to serve other than single handedly propping up the economy of the Marlborough region of New Zealand.
But this sleepiness! I’ve never known anything like it.