Someone asked me whether I could please clone my husband. I grinned from ear to ear, partly because I felt smug because I’m the lucky woman who got to marry him and partly because I knew he’d love hearing it.
“Why would someone say that?” he asked as he stirred various saucepans going on the cooker and looked at me a little bemused, “what did you write to make them say that?”
Here’s one of the most endearing things about him: he is easily the loveliest human being you could imagine, just downright GOOD AND DECENT, and then add that he’s ever so pretty and has magnificent legs, yet he doesn’t quite know any of that. It’s a little baffling actually – if I were him I’d positively STRUT everywhere accompanied by my own marching band and parade, honestly. But no, he seems oblivious to what a fantastic person he is. Hence he thought I might have written one of my slightly silly posts praising his perfect bottom (it’s freaking glorious) or somehow exaggerated how supportive he is. To be clear – his bottom was carved by angels and it’s not possible to truly convey, never mind exaggerate, how amazing Hubby has been when it comes to my sobriety. But sometimes I feel like shaking him and shout HAVE YOU MET YOU?! when I’m trying to tell him how awesome he is and he doesn’t seem to get it.
He’s so secure in himself and would never compromise his values or principles, but nor does he walk around all puffed up. He just stands firmly in his spot and has more integrity than anyone else I know. And as for me, I spend an insane amount of time feeling grateful for this best friend of mine. And his bottom.
Now, alcoholic or otherwise, to be married to your best friend and the person you admire and respect more than anyone else in the world is a blessing. To be an alcoholic and have the support and love of that best friend throughout your journey is something I wish we could all have. OK, I got sober and no one else did that for me, but just imagine what it might have been like to have a partner who couldn’t (or worse – wouldn’t want to) understand what you’re up against. Or a partner who decided oh fuck this and left? I am very, very lucky – trust me, I know I am. And so I thought it was in order that I point out how invaluable it is to have a support network and in particular be able to confide in (and if necessary lean on) your partner. Well, whether it’s a spouse or a sibling or a friend, just feeling safe in the knowledge someone close to you is there for you and cheering you on is priceless.
One of the best things Hubby’s done for me in my sobriety is how he’s never pushed me. Needless to say, he did worry about my drinking and sometimes he’d tell me he did. But he never told me to stop or gave me any ultimatum. He simply stated that he was worried but that I’m an adult and make my own decisions and he’d always be by my side regardless. I’ll have to insert our wedding photo into this post or you won’t believe he’s real! I’m not saying anyone should put up with someone else’s drinking if it makes you miserable and it’s absolutely acceptable to give ultimatums, by the way. I’m just saying this is how it all was in our case. Maybe I should get Hubby to write a blog post with a little insight into his perspective of this past year and the years that came before it. God knows how he put up with me – drunk OR sober!
Anyway, when I reached my turning point, he was – as he always is – open and honest and straight up with me. He didn’t sugar coat anything to make me feel better – he simply agreed that yep, it’s pretty bad and it needs to be fixed, but didn’t put me under pressure either. Hubby always had my back and I know it made a difference for me. I knew that he’d catch me if I tripped and help me up again and that’s a massive advantage to have. I mean, if you’re not terrified of failing then trying in the first place isn’t so scary, right?
Hubby isn’t an alcoholic and so to him it really does seem like lunacy in its purest form that I can’t stop drinking if I start. Yet he has asked questions over and over, time and time again in order to understand. You almost cannot fail when you have a partner like him. He asked if I wanted him to stop drinking too and appeared totally willing to do so if it would help me. Personally it doesn’t bother me so I said no, but isn’t that just amazingly kind and even heroic? As the commenter who enquired about potentially cloning him so accurately noted: “what a guy“. Yes indeed. What a guy.
Before I start getting offers from Disney for them to have Hubby audition for turning him into their next Prince Charming, I should point out that he is just a human being like the rest of us. Hubby just happens to be a really great one. The greatest, actually. Yes, I believe I’d be sober even on my own because I don’t think your sobriety can ever hang on someone else, but he’s made a huge difference and the comment about cloning him really made me think because I wish everyone could have a partner just like Hubby. I often hear in sobriety groups how people’s partners sometimes make their recovery harder, how someone’s husband might even try to sabotage her attempts at getting sober or how someone’s wife belittled their determination to change. That’s such a shame and it makes me feel really sad every time.
It’s a big ask of anyone to support someone through recovery but never once has Hubby made me feel like I’m a burden. Instead he’ll high-five me or get me a little card to say congratulations when I reach a milestone or give me a big hug and tell me he’s proud of me. That in itself makes me more motivated. Not that anyone needs further evidence it’s good to stop drinking, but it reinforces the decision when you see all these rewards – whether it’s how well you sleep again or a high-five from someone who loves you.
Well, there we are. An ode to Hubby.
Today I’m not going to drink.