Knobbly Bits and Bunions

Friday! And exactly two weeks until my last day in the job I’m currently doing. Let’s rephrase: two weeks left of the last job I’ve done badly. There. Whilst I’m very good at beating myself up and usually hesitant to make excuses for my own shortcomings by pointing at how I was balls deep in alcoholism, I do also have to admit to myself that the fact that I was able to do anything at ALL over so many years actually says something about how tough I am. Yes, on the one hand you absolutely can say I screwed up royally and I have no one to blame but myself for my sad CV. On the other, you could also recognise that just allowing for the basic functions (like, you know, standing up, taking a shower, brushing my teeth, etc) took serious effort. When I think about how I would answer the question of “how bad was it really?” the first thing that springs to mind is my cute Baby G watch. It’s a fat little watch and I love it, this is what it looks like:

babyg

Cute, eh? I bought it at Singapore Changi Airport on our way back home from New Zealand some years back. I like chunky watches because I have strange wrists – there’s a little knobbly bone that we all have but mine really sticks out – and in my head big watches look better on me. This knobbly part is sort of in the way and a smaller watch just doesn’t want to sit right on me, it’s exactly where you want your watch strap to be, really annoying. Metal straps (which I think are nicer than plastic or leather) just don’t work, because the watch either slips down below the knobbly bit uncomfortably close to my hand or has to be on tight too far up on my arm to avoid the pesky little hump. Here’s a picture of my weird wrists for additional amusement – well, just the right one but at least I’m somewhat symmetrical so I’m just as weird on both sides of my body. Having said that, the bunion on my right foot is considerably bigger than on the left one… I may have to do a little survey later, strip off in front of the mirror to ascertain which side of me is weirder. No, not to share here – don’t worry, just for my own enjoyment. Due to the bunion issue I fear the right side is already in trouble. Oohhh but I do have a nasty scar across my left knee from when I was knocked off my bike at the age of 10. Might be a close call, after all. Anyway, enjoy my weird knobbly wrist:

wrist

So anyway. I love that watch but I only used to wear it half of the year. Why? Because pushing three buttons in the right sequence to change the hour back and forth was simply too complicated for my foggy mind to cope with. No joke. That’s how fucked I was the majority of the time. Making a simple phone call was devastatingly difficult when I was muddled up, really took all I had to string together the words and try to absorb any information I was given. To spell it out – my drinking wrecked me to a level where adjusting the time on my watch was too difficult. At the beginning of this year I treated myself to an Apple watch, which ironically would have been a better choice when I was drinking like a sailor on leave, given everything is automatic and I don’t have to do a damn thing, but that’s besides the point really. But yes, I got the bigger screen version because of my wonky wrists.

I seem to be preoccupied with all these thoughts around what my drinking was really like from the amount of wine I used to drink to how badly messed up it left me. The good thing is that there are no positives to be found in there. I was thinking about this on my drive into work this morning actually – I do believe a lot of my view on alcohol was due to the brainwashing we all experience, but that alone obviously isn’t the reason why I’m an alcoholic. There must have been SOME good stuff. And sure, that feeling after the second drink – warm, buzzy and melty – I won’t deny was quite nice. It’s just that it never lasted long because I went full throttle into black-out, so it’s one tiny little nice bit in a freaking ocean of shit. It wasn’t even the hangovers that were the worst part, I think the really shitty and most awful bit was how stressful it all was – I was completely ruled by alcohol and I’ll tell you one thing: it ain’t a nice boss.

Well, let’s get back to that some time, shall we? The nice things about drinking. For me, the list is surprisingly short for someone who used to drink the stuff like a goddamn demon, but I want to keep this honest. I know of course that 99% of the stuff I thought alcohol was and did was all an illusion and I can honestly say nothing has changed in my view that I’d rather eat dog shit than drink again. I know it sounds insane – like would I REALLY if I was forced to make a choice – but I swear the dog poo is more appealing. It doesn’t increase my risk of getting breast cancer (and a bunch of other mean Cs) by 15% for starters so even at the outset it’s more appealing. Alcohol does nothing for me. Me – Anna. Perhaps you’re someone who does enjoy alcohol and never struggled with it in any way – good for you! Hubby is one of those people and it doesn’t bother me in the slightest, if anything I find it fascinating – not in a patronising kinda way but just baffled by how he can have a couple of drinks and then be all thanks-that’s-enough and not be all stressed out. Wow. But yes, the nice things about drink is something to think over, I guess even if for me I’ll struggle to list even one beyond that brief feeling after two drinks.

Anyway!

The weekend is nearly here and it’s snowing in London today. Mostly rain and sleet but there was a lovely dusting of snow this morning but nothing too dramatic (the UK grinds to a halt any time someone spots a single snowflake). This afternoon Bambino has another trip to the dentist to have another couple of teeth pulled but these two are smaller than yesterday’s devil tooth so hopefully it’ll all be fine. And the weekend is wide open, which is nice and I think Hubby needs a breather after travelling all over throughout January.

Have a lovely weekend wherever you are.

Today I’m not going to drink.

7 thoughts on “Knobbly Bits and Bunions

  1. I’ve just compared our knobbly bits and yours is definitely knobblier than mine! However you don’t look wonky in any way, so rest assured! On the other hand, I have very scrawny wrists and very, very hairy and rather long arms. Husband dearest calls me his orangutang, which he thinks is funny and endearing and I think is bloody rude. Sadly though he does have a bit of a point. Good luck with the dentist, I do hope it’s not a fraction as traumatic as the last time. Hugs xxxxxx

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Oh, I do think people like us are indeed amazing, who managed to pull off rather incredible feats while stone-ass drunk. I once gave a real party (50 or so guests, hired bartender and all) for my husband’s milestone birthday…did all the fancy food myself, even (frankly, I cook better than most caterers around here, drunk or sober)…and I swear, I don’t remember the evening at all. I was, of course, happily tipsy by mid-afternoon, swanning around getting ready, nipping(swigging) from my ever-present wine glass. I think my last cogent memory was checking the powder room for fresh hand towels. After that, a total blackout…BUT. Somehow, on auto-pilot, muscle memory, or pure grace of God, I got all the delicious cocktail food on trays, lit candles around the house, got dressed rather fancily (I know this because there are photos)…and greeted our guests merrily. Miraculously, I did nothing horrible or embarrassing (this I know because my husband was all smiles and gratitude the next morning, instead of giving me that all-too-familiar Stink Eye). And for months afterward, friends kept saying what a great party it was. “Wish I’d been there!” I replied, only half joking.

    Total topic switch: those bunions. You will want to get those surgically done, because they only get worse, and at some point will require pins and screws to fix. I had mine done before that stage, and was so glad I did. If you’re about to be a server, on your feet a lot…just sayin’. Good luck with that!

    Liked by 2 people

    • I’ve weirdly been socially acceptable – great even – in total black-out too, but also the opposite. Scares the shit out of me still, that feeling of having been on some freaky autopilot and having no freaking smidge of a memory of it.

      Yup, realise bunions end up that way… have my dad’s feet (nearly as big too) and he had surgery some years back. Ho-hum.

      X

      Like

  3. I thought we might be twins when you started talking about the wrist knobs. I have a G-shock, a red one. Haven’t worn a watch in a while but I can relate the daylight saving button pushing saga every six months.
    Then you mentioned knee scars and I felt funny. Me too, but I can’t remember which knee is scarred for me. I have trousers on, can’t be bothered checking. One of the two anyway. Tramping accident. (Hiking/Walking) A rock hit my knee.
    Instead of the bunion I have a corn. Bought corn pads last week but too lazy to apply the pad. Working up to it.
    Enjoy the snowflakes while we melt here in NZ. Have a nice weekend.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s