Hope That Love Might

Feeling sad this morning. Hubby is away, within Europe this time, and sent me a text just as I was getting up. It read “check the news, can’t believe what’s happened in NZ“. And so, I went as I usually do, with my morning coffee to sit in the living room and read the news. There is so much evil in the world and again we wake up today to horrific and saddening broadcasts of another tragedy caused by hatred and intolerance. It breaks my heart. In my mind I hear the wistful notes of John Lennon’s Imagine. Yes, you may think I’m a dreamer but I do want to hope that love might one day help us overcome what we, as humankind, do to each other and our planet. My thoughts and prayers go out to that beautiful, peaceful little nation in the Pacific on the other side of the world where my husband was born and grew up and I’ve come to love and now have family too. Most of all, my prayers go out of course to those directly in evil’s path who lost their lives or loved ones and members of their community. There are no words.

Screen Shot 2019-03-15 at 09.07.35

After some quiet contemplation in light of terrible news, I found what’s probably the most powerful illustration of addiction that I’ve seen and I would encourage taking the three minutes required to watch this – it hit me like a thunderbolt:

ONE – short film by Luke Bradford from Frogspawn Creative Limited on Vimeo.

Lastly, possibly exacerbated by the sadness of today’s horrific news from New Zealand, I found myself getting angry. Angry, incensed, heckles up, resentment in full swing and enormously pissed off. Someone posted in a Whatsapp group message string “dad, you would be proud of me – I’m drinking port!” with an accompanying photo of a glass containing aforementioned poisonous shite. It was literally minutes after I shared the clip above to my Facebook page and I actually felt as though it was personal – a deliberate dig. Of course I do realise it was nothing of the sort, but it had me seething there for a moment. It’s fucking EVERYWHERE, this romanticising of a deadly poison that only wreaks havoc and has no benefits whatsoever! Isn’t it just so fucking DUMB?!! Look Daddy! I’m drinking your favourite tipple and as a woman drinking even moderately I’ve now increased my risk of breast cancer by 15% – aren’t you proud? Yay me! Fucking crazy nonsense! Had this person been in my presence I would have wanted to put them across my knee. Silly bint.

I reined myself in and refrained from adding the caustic comment that was chomping at the bit to lunge out of my mouth. Not my place. Not my business. And I do realise it’d be infuriating for any moderate drinker to be lectured by me, a DRUNK! Only 14-odd months ago I would have clicked ‘like’ and encouraged this outrageously stupid comment and found it cute and charming too. So quiet on this occasion I shall remain, but oh my goodness do those stupid memes and comments rattle my cage. Calm. Breathe. Let it go.

Time to get on with the day now. Be the change I want to see in the world. Accept the things I cannot control. Believe in the power of love. Understand my own limitations.

Today I’m not going to drink.

4 thoughts on “Hope That Love Might

  1. Far to soon for me to be able to write about what has happened here as the death toll increases and as the operating theaters are still all full as they try to save as many as they can including children my heart just aches. It not only aches for the dead or the injured but for the family and friends that are now waiting as the hospital is in shut down mode. No one is allowed in as the staff are all to busy trying to cope with the hurt victims. It is going to be a long night for them all I think this explains how we feel. We were are a country that comes together at times like these and we are reaching out to our Muslim community – To any members of the Muslim community here in New Zealand: if you don’t feel safe walking home, waiting for the bus, doing your groceries or anything else – we will walk with you, we will wait with you, we will support you. My heart, thoughts and prayers go out to you all and all in New Zealand…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh God, I never watch the news, so didn’t know. I’m away to text my daughter (she lived in South island for a short time). I know she’ll be gutted by this news x


  3. My son used to leave home, often for days at a time and when he got a little older (only 15/16 or so) he started staying away completely. He had been alcoholic for a year or so by that time. I tried everything I could but, as much as he kept in touch with me, I knew I’d lost him. I couldn’t bear being on Facebook then (never have liked it much) but it was an age when all his peers were doing normal teenage shit and all his peers’ mums were waxing lyrical about them. I can’t tell you how much pain I felt at reading all their proud stories of exam results or how sick I felt looking at their graduation party photos. It didn’t end there either. When I’d serve a parent alcohol, knowing full well that it was for their 16 year olds, I just wanted to scream. I still feel that way…and those who tell me now that “I’d rather they drink it in front of me, than drink it outside…”, don’t realise that that’s NO guarantee.

    I didn’t have time to say this earlier but I’ve been thinking about it and YOU, all day.


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