Feeling sad this morning. Hubby is away, within Europe this time, and sent me a text just as I was getting up. It read “check the news, can’t believe what’s happened in NZ“. And so, I went as I usually do, with my morning coffee to sit in the living room and read the news. There is so much evil in the world and again we wake up today to horrific and saddening broadcasts of another tragedy caused by hatred and intolerance. It breaks my heart. In my mind I hear the wistful notes of John Lennon’s Imagine. Yes, you may think I’m a dreamer but I do want to hope that love might one day help us overcome what we, as humankind, do to each other and our planet. My thoughts and prayers go out to that beautiful, peaceful little nation in the Pacific on the other side of the world where my husband was born and grew up and I’ve come to love and now have family too. Most of all, my prayers go out of course to those directly in evil’s path who lost their lives or loved ones and members of their community. There are no words.
After some quiet contemplation in light of terrible news, I found what’s probably the most powerful illustration of addiction that I’ve seen and I would encourage taking the three minutes required to watch this – it hit me like a thunderbolt:
Lastly, possibly exacerbated by the sadness of today’s horrific news from New Zealand, I found myself getting angry. Angry, incensed, heckles up, resentment in full swing and enormously pissed off. Someone posted in a Whatsapp group message string “dad, you would be proud of me – I’m drinking port!” with an accompanying photo of a glass containing aforementioned poisonous shite. It was literally minutes after I shared the clip above to my Facebook page and I actually felt as though it was personal – a deliberate dig. Of course I do realise it was nothing of the sort, but it had me seething there for a moment. It’s fucking EVERYWHERE, this romanticising of a deadly poison that only wreaks havoc and has no benefits whatsoever! Isn’t it just so fucking DUMB?!! Look Daddy! I’m drinking your favourite tipple and as a woman drinking even moderately I’ve now increased my risk of breast cancer by 15% – aren’t you proud? Yay me! Fucking crazy nonsense! Had this person been in my presence I would have wanted to put them across my knee. Silly bint.
I reined myself in and refrained from adding the caustic comment that was chomping at the bit to lunge out of my mouth. Not my place. Not my business. And I do realise it’d be infuriating for any moderate drinker to be lectured by me, a DRUNK! Only 14-odd months ago I would have clicked ‘like’ and encouraged this outrageously stupid comment and found it cute and charming too. So quiet on this occasion I shall remain, but oh my goodness do those stupid memes and comments rattle my cage. Calm. Breathe. Let it go.
Time to get on with the day now. Be the change I want to see in the world. Accept the things I cannot control. Believe in the power of love. Understand my own limitations.
Today I’m not going to drink.