My laziest day sober is still better than my most productive day when I drank, just like my worst day sober is better than my best day drunk. I’ve not slept well over the past few days, starting with the essay related sleepless night Sunday. Of course, when I get something in my head – like “shit, I won’t be able to sleep” – it goes exactly that way. I get increasingly sleepy reading my book, then turn the lights off and my brain decides to run a showreel of all the things I could possibly feel stressed about, both real and less so. I’ve no doubt this will pass, these things always do, but clearly I’ve been tired as a result. Got up early as usual and then went for a run, but then couldn’t get my arse in gear with anything else. Decided to read some theory for the counselling course and made the mistake of doing so lying in bed. Within ten minutes my eyelids were heavy and I went out like a light, slept solidly for over two hours. Not too sure this will help me go to sleep tonight but hey.
In other news, I’m clean and sober and still in love with life.
I sometimes talk about what keeps me sober (like not wanting to drink, hah!) and know I’ve mentioned AA before and how this didn’t quite turn out to be my path and the reasons why it wasn’t the right fit. For some, working the 12 steps is what keeps them sober and one of my favourite bloggers – bgddyjim – just posted about how it works HERE. Do read it – it might just be the right path for you too (or it might not be!) but he breaks it down and explains it in a way that cuts through to the bare bones of it. Here’s how it works in SIMPLE terms. I love how he says it’s simple, but it’s not easy. I smiled reading it, often wondering if it’s my ego that has me reluctant still, but whatever way you look at it, it’s a beautiful insight into recovery the way it works for him. And when someone talks about recovery in such an inspiring way, that’s the effect it has – here’s me reading it and not particularly being sold 100% on AA, yet finding myself thinking “wow! He’s got it!“…. Besides, the more we know and hear of how others have found their way, the more it shows us how very possible it is that we can too, so regardless of what you may personally believe, head over there now!
Oh, and he’s also the blogger who told me when I was all brand new to recovery and trying to make sense of it all, about the “gentle rollers” I’d eventually experience. He was right about that. What else might he be right about? Go read.
Today I’m not going to drink.